Back when I was 27 I just felt very thankful and grateful to God for getting me to my 27th birthday. I wasn’t suppose to live past 18. My biological father had plans for me that included the ending of my life. I just got into a zone and wrote this off the top of my head not caring for grammar, spelling or anything. I just typed what was in my head at the time and whatever made it on the screen stayed there. This has never been edited and I wrote this in a flow without stopping.

Now mind you I only admitted to myself in 2010 that my biological father by definition sexually assaulted me many times between the ages of 7 and 21 years of age. So this poem isn’t entirely factual. I was 14 when my Mother and I left my biological father. But my biological father still had visitation and he would call me every day. So in the poem when I talk about when I was 14 I am talking about that. When I was in High School I began to open up about the physical beatings my biological father gave me but I never talked about the molestation and rape that my biological father did to me. I only began to talk about the sexual abuse when I was 21. And it’s only recently that I began to talk about the sexual assault.

I’m in a far better place than I was when I wrote this poem. I no longer fear talking about what happened to me. And I don’t think any of it was my fault. I feel a tremendous amount of power when I talk about what happened to me. Also I feel better when I talk about what happened to me. Because it makes what happened to me not so taboo. And it makes me feel like I’m in control when I am able to talk about it. Especially now that the last bit of what was kept secret is finally out. Yes! I am a survivor of child abuse, sexual abuse and sexual assault. And I’m doing something about it! I’m going to build that Palace! I’m going to manifest my childhood dream of a non-profit to help Survivors and their loved ones so that the proper healing and support can take place.

At any rate, enjoy this poem!

MY THANK YOU POEM TO GOD
April-Liesel’s Freestyle Poem

Here’s an email I sent a while back with a really cool freestyle poem I wrote… enjoy!

DATE: Mon, 25 Oct 2004 22:25:27 -0700 (PDT)
FROM: “April-Liesel Binapri”
SUBJECT: MY THANK YOU POEM TO GOD!

This is my THANK YOU POEM TO GOD…..

Thank you for loving me even if I am flawed. Thank you for giving me the strength to survive the slaughter. The slaughter of a Man who called me his daughter. Thank you God for giving me a dream when all hope was gone. Thank you for everything right down to the rising and the setting of the sun. Thank you for giving me the innocence to believe…. even when reality would decieve. Thank you for that dream when the butcher’s tongue would slash. Thank you for that dream when my face he’d smash. Thank you for that dream when he would invade. Thank you for that dream when life would fade. Thank you for that dream when he would do the unthinkable. Thank you God because that dream made me unsinkable. Thank you for giving me the strength to survive it all alone. Thank you for giving me that hopeful zone. You and Me…. the SOUL DATE and DREAM of Destiny.

Thank you for freeing me of 14 years of Dante’s inferno. Thank you for freeing me from the butcher who’s slaughter seemed eternal. Thanks for drying the tears that dripped like water. Thanks for the spiritual bandages that soaked up the psychological blood of my slaughter. Thanks for understanding me when no one in the world did not. Thanks for the dreams you gave me and every positive thought. Thanks for giving me the best representation of your love for me like no other. Thanks for giving me the wisdom and tools of spirituality through my Mother. Thanks for giving me friends to show me your love. Thanks for showing me that others could see what you did up above. Thanks for giving me your “charmz” when I needed it. And my suicidal stages and attemps you and me God we defeated it. High School was rough all alone. Thank you for giving me love and a dream to escape in that zone. You and me…. the SOUL DATE and DREAM of Destiny.

Thank you for allowing me at 21 to let that slaughtered secret out. Thanks for those short minutes when my family gave a darn what my life was all about. Thank you for giving me redemption for un-innocent actions of my past. Thank you for making sure that the pressure of that secret wouldn’t last. Thank you God for giving me every experience and every person who believes that I can manifest our Dream. I appologize for my actions that harmed when I had to let off steam. Thank you for letting me be at the right place at the right times. Thank you for this gift to write such simple, yet powerful rhymes. Thank you for giving me the gift of gab. Thanks for giving me the strenght to be able to deal with the occasional jab. Thank you God for showing me that I am truly created in your image and likeness in every way. Thank you for the faith of a mustard seed that give me miracles every single day. Life up to now is tough all alone. Thank you for giving me love and a dream to escape in that zone. You and me…. the SOUL DATE and DREAM of Destiny.

Now I am the age of 27… And I hear the trumpets from Heaven. I hear the call of every Great Dreamer that came before me. I hear them say, “No one shall ignore thee.” I hear the cry of that child who hides from a predator in hunt for his prey, “Make all my dreams happen today.” I hear the voice of Jesus on his cross as his blood drips. “I brought you this far to manifest our noble dream,” is what I hear from his lips. He continues, “Do not shake and shiver as you did as a child. Manifest those dreams I gave you and let them run wild. Do not give notice to those who have no faith or vision. Have the faith of a mustard seed please make that decision. Our dreams will move mountains this I promise you. Just have the courage to walk by faith and not by sight and I guarantee all shall come true. I will send you people so that you will not be alone. Thank you for believing in my love and going to our dream to escape to in our zone. You and me…. the SOUL DATE and DREAM of Destiny.”

I feel the hands of every great dreamer as I type, “If you feel touched or inspired by this know that April-Liesel is not all hype. April-Liesel is flawed and will make mistakes that is for sure. But understand the Great Dreamer and Good heart of hers will live, strive and endure. She is human and is bound to have mechanisms in place. She will put up masks so that you do not see her face. But understand she must build her palace to make Princesses and Princes among Women and Men. That is her destiny now and that was her destiny then. The means to build it will depend upon the Great Dreamer within you. If you feel a tug or touched or inspired then God believes you can help THE PALACE OF BINAPRI come true. For now April-Liesel needs your prayers and whatever help you might be able to provide. Pray that April-Liesel can manifest into what God believes she can and that she does not hide. Support her because history has shown that behind every Great Dreamer, Legend, and Hero was a team of love and support. But understand that April-Liesel has a mission given by the Heaveans and she must not abort. She will manifest those dreams no matter what but do not let her do it alone. She is slowly but surely going to surrender to that zone. You and she…. the SOUL DATE and DREAM of Destiny.”

Thank you God for letting my writing skills be like you talking to me. I feel as if I am on a boat and you’re on water walking to me. The question is will my faith allow me to walk with you on water? I believe so…. because I survived my slaughter. I survived everything possible thing that could be thrown my way. And through it all you’ve brought me closer and closer every day. Thank you God for choosing me although I am flawed. My hope and comfort is your staff and your rod. Shepherd me O God beyond my wants… beyond my fears…. from death into life. I make a vow that I will build our palace… hopefully with little or no strife. I will share my talents with the world because I am not alone. I will surrender to love and our dreams and escape to our zone. You and me…. the SOUL DATE and DREAM of Destiny.

This freestyle poem was written once and entirely off the top of my head. I will manifest God’s dream for me on Earth before my body is found dead. As the line goes in the movie, “THE TEN COMMANDMENTS” so it is written…. so shall it be done. From the rising to the setting of the Sun. My palace shall be built and be a beacon of light. Because I walk by faith and not only by sight. Because God has sent you to help me or to make me stronger… The Great Dreamer within me and or you must manifest it…. because it can not wait any longer. The Dream must manifest. The Dream is one of the reasons this world is God blessed. So it is written… so shall it be done. Because it is his will…. Thank YOU GOD THE ALMIGHTY ONE!

This poem was written once by me….
April-Liesel Binapri

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Posted at my “OPENING ACT” at: http://april-liesel.binapri.com/?p=60